Gay kiss wish

One of my biggest dreams in my life was to be able to touch and kiss a guy and see what it feels like.. I wasn’t even thinking having sex might ever be an option – I thought it might be asking for too much from life. My luck took me to a gay dance club in Toronto. My first time in a gay club – heart beating fast, feeling out of place, all guys around, scared of running into someone I know. I started talking to this really cute guy and I still can’t believe I did that. We danced, we talked, we laughed. And then we held hands, and I touched his chest and face. It was an incredible feeling not only the biological feeling of touching someone you feel attracted to, but also the feeling of being free and safe and being who you are. Then we kissed. My first gay kiss that made me happy and also feel guilty. And then we decided to go to his place, my heart still racing, and my mind thinking I was dreaming. I was excited, nervous and lost – what am I going to do, how am I going to do it, I am committing a sin, I can’t do this I am Armenian, I have to be a man, but I have been wanting to do this for so so long…

Nature turned out to be stronger. I lost my gay virginity (I did have sex with girls before but they were never ”successful”), it felt amazing to hold him and make love. This is the most memorable night of my life. I was thrilled and happy, but spent the rest of the night crying to myself hearing many voices saying ”shame on you, go to hell, you deserve to die, you are not Armenian, you are not a man, you are not human, you are devil, you are so disgusting, burn in hell…”

But the morning came, and we committed even more sins, and when you commit yours make sure you use a condom, always always be safe, don’t take the chance. I am a lucky person for being able to experience what I did, but I wish I didn’t have to leave Armenia in order to be who I am. So simple, yet so unnecessarily complicated. Again, don’t forget about safe sex, don’t trust anyone unless you have known them for a long enough time.